The Danger of Toxic Positivity and How to Overcome It
As someone who has always been a positive and optimistic person, it can be hard to admit that positivity isn't always the answer. Don't get me wrong, having a positive attitude has helped me through some tough times, but I have also come to recognize the harm that toxic positivity can cause.
The harm of toxic positivity in difficult times
One of the most challenging times in my life was when I lost my father to cancer. It was a devastating experience that left me feeling lost and alone. Despite the overwhelming grief and pain, I felt a pressure to remain positive and strong. People would tell me to "look on the bright side, “He is not suffering anymore" or "He's in a better place now". While I know they meant well, it made me feel like my emotions were wrong or unacceptable.
Another example of when toxic positivity can be harmful is in the context of job loss. Losing a job can be a traumatic experience, especially when it's a job that you've invested years or even decades into. For some people, their job is not just a means of income, but a significant part of their identity and sense of purpose. In these situations, telling someone to "stay positive" or "it's just a job" can be incredibly dismissive and invalidating.
There are countless other examples of when toxic positivity can do more harm than good. For someone struggling with addiction, telling them to "just be positive" or "you can do this" can be oversimplifying a complex issue. For someone dealing with chronic pain or illness, telling them to "think positively" can ignore the very real physical and emotional toll that their condition is taking on them.
Perhaps one of the most egregious examples of toxic positivity is when it comes to the loss of a child. How could we say to a parent, "Stay positive", "focus on memories"...
Using positivity as an excuse to avoid taking action
One of the dangers of toxic positivity is that it can be used as an excuse to avoid facing real issues and taking action. It's much easier to tell ourselves to "stay positive" than to confront difficult situations or take steps to make a change. When we focus solely on positivity, we may neglect to address the root causes of our problems, whether they be societal, environmental, or personal.
For example, in the face of a global crisis such as climate change or inequality, it's not enough to simply "stay positive". We need to take real action and make meaningful changes. This may involve difficult choices and sacrifices, but it's important to acknowledge the gravity of the situation and take responsibility for our actions.
Similarly, in our personal lives, it's not enough to simply "think positively" and hope that things will get better. We need to take proactive steps to address our challenges and make changes in our lives. This may involve seeking help from others, setting boundaries, or making difficult decisions, but it's important to take action and not simply rely on positivity as a crutch.
Suggestions for a healthier approach: validate emotions, practice self-care, seek support, practice mindfulness, take action
So, what can we do instead? Here are some suggestions:
- Validate your emotions - it's okay to not always be positive and strong. We are human and we experience a range of emotions, both positive and negative. It's important to allow ourselves to feel these emotions and to seek support when we need it.
- Practice self-care - taking care of yourself is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being. This can involve things like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Seek support from others - talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional can be incredibly helpful when you're going through a tough time. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it.
- Practice mindfulness - mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce stress and anxiety. This can involve things like meditation, deep breathing, or simply taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath.
- Take action - instead of relying solely on positivity, take proactive steps to address your challenges and make changes in your life. This may involve seeking
While positivity can certainly have its benefits, it's important to recognize that there is a fine line between positivity and toxic positivity. By acknowledging the harm that toxic positivity can cause and by practicing empathy and validation, we can create a healthier and more compassionate society. At the same time, we should also recognize that positivity should not be used as an excuse to avoid facing real issues and taking action. By striking a balance between positivity and action, we can create a better future for ourselves and for those around us.